One Call Away
Finding God in the midst of distractions
Sometimes—no, most of the time—life gets too loud, distracting, messy… and I end up pushing God aside without even realizing it. He’s the only One who never leaves, always knocking, always waiting for me to come back. Yet I shut Him out and try to clean up my own flaws, only to fail again and again. As soon as I overcome one sin, another distraction appears, and the cycle repeats. Sometimes I wonder… What if one day I drift too far? What if I get too comfortable, too entertained on the other side and God gives up on calling me?
The last time I posted was two months ago. Oh, I missed writing so terribly. I’ve been stagnant—when I tried to sit and write, not a single drop of my creative juices rushed out. I started to question myself: is writing really for me? Or is it something I wish I was naturally skilled at only because I love literature and admire those who create it? I don’t have an impressively wide vocabulary like Kat Stratford, who seems to be able to express herself perfectly each time she opens her mouth.
Then again, who am I without books and daydreaming, with a pen grazing my fingertips?
I realize now that this dryness wasn’t confined to my creativity; it had begun to seep into my spiritual life.
I started again by writing my feelings down in my journal. This feeling has been occupying my mind lately: the feeling of isolation, of growing distant from God. He even revealed to me the sins hidden away in my heart that I wasn’t aware of. Because of a dream one night, I formed a personal testimony in my journal. I don’t want it to be kept from the world, and so I will be sharing my reflection, excluding the personal details of the dream.
Buy me a book!
In my vision, it was mandatory to visit my house first. I imagined a mansion filled with riches, gold, and treasure. I was disappointed to find out it was bare, boring, dirty, and moldy. I cleaned up some parts of it, but eventually gave up because it was too much work—too many flaws. It came to my mind that I could simply ask God to give me a new home. A cleaner and much prettier one.
When I woke up from the dream, I realized that house represented my heart. That house mirrored the state of my heart in ways I hadn’t realized—messy, flawed, and overwhelmed by thoughts I tried to manage alone.
For the longest time, I have struggled miserably with overthinking and negative thoughts. I overanalyze the littlest things—even the way someone looks at me. I hate how deeply I feel things, how sensitive I am. My whole day can feel ruined because of one small misstep in thought. I’ve been trying to accept that this is the way I am. Sadly, I will never be nonchalant. I am almost always overflowing with thoughts I do not have the words for.
It’s no wonder that my chaotic mind leads to fear and dismay. Everyone is afraid of something, but mine often feels invalid. It feels unacceptable—and so I urge for change. I want this negativity out of my brain, especially when I’m about to perform on stage. I shouldn’t be scared, because God is always with me. I can seek comfort through the Bible; hundreds, even thousands of verses calm me down. Verses like “Do not fear, for I am with you” reassure me again and again.
Yet I’m the one who doesn’t want to face this spiritual battle, because it’s too hard to fight. I gave up for several weeks.
And still—God didn’t leave.
He’s calling me. He’s telling me I can’t stay like this forever. I have to take up my cross and follow Him—meaning change will be difficult, but with Him, anything is possible. All I have to do is ask.
My heart—flawed, messy—was something I kept trying to clean alone. But God never asked me to fix myself without Him. He wants to remove the fear, rebuild my faith, and restore what I let fall apart. I don’t deserve His patience, but He gives it anyway, and He doesn’t seem to run out. I love Him so much for that. No one and nothing on this earth can compare.
He’s only one call away. I just wasn’t picking up.
It’s not that I refused to change—it was just too much work. I didn’t trust Him enough. Beyond my overthinking and fear, having more faith is what He’s trying to grow in me. At our own pace, He’s molding all of us Christians. It’s a bumpy journey; He never said it would be easy. We will stumble and be led astray at times, but God is still only one call away. We just shouldn’t wander too far from Him.
“I seek a place that can never be destroyed, one that is pure, and that fadeth not away, and it is laid up in heaven, and safe there, to be given, at the time appointed, to them that seek it with all their heart.” — John Bunyan
The writer of The Pilgrim’s Progress truly was a genius, gifted with immense wisdom. I aspire to write something as inspiring as that book. In my school, we’re given eight Christian books to read throughout the year, and this was one of them. The protagonist, Christian, journeys from his hometown—the City of Destruction—to the Celestial City. As a Christian myself, God helped me understand these analogies with ease.
I think we can all relate to Christian. Before entering Heaven, he stumbles and gives in to distractions many times, but he never gives up. Some companions he meets along the way choose temporary happiness and never return to the Lord. Christian almost gives up too—but he listens when God calls him back.
Whenever I feel distant from God, I remember that we are all just like Christian. We shouldn’t take advantage of God’s mercy—but if you find yourself lost, He will always welcome you with open arms.
As I was rereading my old prayer journal entries, I found something that might encourage you all.
It’s certainly blissful to feel like myself again—returning to God and returning to writing at the same time. Instead of letting the negativity take over, I prayed about it. At the end of the day, I’d go insane if I constantly overthought things that likely don’t matter. These thoughts aren’t just in our minds; sometimes it’s Satan trying to pull us down, discourage us, and distract us from God.
If God isn’t part of your life yet, or if you’re unsure where you stand with Him, I hope you know this: you are not disqualified. Questions don’t scare Him. Doubt doesn’t repel Him. Faith doesn’t always begin with certainty. Sometimes it begins with a quiet willingness to come home.
Love,
Naomi ♡